Jewish Law Questions I Will Not Be Asking The Rabbi

In writing my novel Saint Mark's Body I've taken advantage of the helpful rabbanim at www.askmoses.com for certain thorny questions on  Jewish law.  They're kind, they work 24/6 (think about it), and they don't mind giving free opinions to Episcopalian deists.

But I'm not going to ask them about this:

(1)  If an unmarried Jewish woman in the 9th century AD immerses herself naked in the Mediterranean, does it count as a mikveh? (ritual purification)-- Yes, it's a natural body of water and therefore pure. But why does she need a mikveh if she's unmarried?

(2) Does it still count if her Gentile boyfriend watches?  -- Probably no. Where's this going, young man?

(3) How about if he jumps in after her? -- Wait a minute, I dropped my bagel.

(4) OK, but then does it count as foreplay? -- Oy.